Preparing Siblings for a New Baby: A Doula’s Tips for Making the Transition Easy
1. Start the Conversation Early
Depending on their age and understanding, you can start discussing what it means to have a new sibling. For toddlers and preschoolers, simple conversations like “The baby is growing in my belly and will be here soon!” can be simple enough. As they get older, you can dive deeper into what it means to be an older sibling, and what responsibilities or changes that might bring. If you’re not ready for friends and family to know about the new addition yet, be wary that not all little ones are the best at keeping secrets!
Tip: Use books or stories that feature older siblings welcoming a new baby. There are plenty of children’s books designed to help kids understand and anticipate the changes a new sibling brings. Here is a list from Feminist Books for Kids
2. Involve Them in the Pregnancy
Let your child feel involved in the pregnancy journey by giving them simple tasks related to the baby. This might include helping pick out baby clothes, picking out the paint for the nursery, or picking a name (or maybe just helping pick from your top 2 to be safe). For toddlers, you could let them help with little chores, like organizing baby toys or placing diapers in a basket.
Tip: The Coconut Baby app has fun and quirky settings like sea creatures, snacks, and sports fans, to track the baby’s growth and it could be a fun way to keep your older ones involved in their new sibling!
Extra Tip: If you use the “farmers market” setting it could be a fun way to introduce new foods to your older child. Win win!
3. Talk About the Birth in a Positive, Reassuring Way
When it comes time for the baby’s birth, it’s important to prepare your older child for the fact that things might be different for a little while. Depending on their age, you may want to explain that their parents will be going to the hospital (or birth center) to bring the baby into the world, but that they’ll be safe and well cared for by someone they trust. Reassure them that your love for them will never change and that they’ll always be your special big kid! Showing them age apporpriate videos on birth could be helpful too. Your know your child best and what they can handle. Some children find birth fascinating and can watch detailed birth videos without an issue. Some children can find the noises and blood a little scary, but letting them know that all these things are natural and it means that the birth is going as planned can help ease their nerves. Take this time to learn and grow with them!
Tip: Keep the explanation age-appropriate, and offer them ways to stay connected to you, like drawing pictures or making "big sibling" gifts for the baby. Ask them to create a picture for you that you can use as a focal point to help get you through contractions. This helps them feel involved even when they can’t be at the birth.
5. Set Realistic Expectations About the Baby’s Needs
Children might expect the baby to be interactive or “play” with them right away, but babies spend a lot of time eating, sleeping, and adjusting to life outside the womb. It’s helpful to explain to your older child that while the baby can’t do much yet, they’ll be able to play and interact more as they grow.
Tip: Giving your older child special tasks can make them feel that they are involved. Ask they to help prepare a bottle or pick out the outfit they want to wear for the day (or at least for the next 20 min) Pending on age, helping with bath time can be a fun and interactive task for them to be involved in.
6. Spend One-on-One Time Together
In the flurry of baby preparations, it can be easy to forget that your older child still needs special one-on-one time with you. This is especially important once the baby arrives, as your child may feel a bit neglected or unsure of their place in the family. Try to carve out moments each day (even if they’re short) to spend with your older child. This could be reading a story, watching their favorite episode of Bluey, or sitting down for lunch with them. Special trips to the store, if you can leave baby with another adult, can really make a difference for your older child and for you!
Tip: Hiring a postpartum doula can really help ease the transition with your older siblings, It allows you to have free time and free hands for extra special attention.
Final Thoughts
Preparing older siblings for the arrival of a new baby is all about fostering understanding, patience, and connection. As doulas, we believe that helping children navigate this transition with the right tools can make them feel secure, involved, and excited about their new sibling. With thoughtful communication, a bit of creativity, and plenty of love, your family can embrace this beautiful change together.
Remember, each child is unique, and their feelings about the new baby will be too. There’s no perfect way to prepare, but with a little planning and support, you can ensure your older child feels just as loved and celebrated as the newest addition to the family.
And when in doubt- hire a doula!